Finding A Way

The last few weeks I have been so exhausted. Last Friday, when the bell rang -- yes, we have bells to signal time to clock in, breaks, lunches, and time to clock out -- when the bell rang in the afternoon, I turned off my computer, packed up my stuff, and said goodbye to my co-workers. "Have a good weekend!" 

They stared at me, stunned. "But it's only 3 o'clock."

"It's not time to go home yet?" I'm not sure when my brain decided to leave for the weekend, but apparently it had gone home long before my body actually left the office.

I've been feeling like I was slipping into a downward spiral of insomnia and depression. I haven't been sleeping well, if I finally got enough sleep one night, the next night I would lie awake for hours. So I had been staying up far too late even though I was exhausted just to make sure that I would actually sleep, and having to get up at 6:30 every morning for a job I don't enjoy wasn't helping either. As an HSP, going to a disliked job is more wearing and overwhelming than for a non-HSP. I hate data entry, and that's all I do, that's my job, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. The last temp job I had a year ago was data entry, and I only lasted there 4 months before I became so depressed and unhappy that no matter how much sleep I got, I was always exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open at work, I was drinking 4-5 cups of coffee a day in an attempt to stay awake.

I've managed to last over a year at my current job, despite hating data entry, partially because it's a family business, my uncle is the owner, my sister and my father work there also, so family is never far, and also I feel like I fit in with the other people in the office. (The temp job was at a business in the a rich part of town, and I'm too down-to-earth to fit in with image-conscious, status-conscious people like that.)

So, I've managed to last just over a year at my current job, but my attendance has been slipping, as has my timeliness, for several months actually. And these last few weeks, I've gotten to the point I have reached many times before in many other jobs, where I needed some sort of break, needed to run away, needed a vacation or a leave of absence that I couldn't have, which would usually lead to me quitting (always with 2 weeks notice, I am conscientious enough to give that courtesy at least).  So I would quit and just not work for a month or two, live off my meager savings until that was gone, and then find another job.

This time, however, being as family owns the business, I requested my full time schedule be changed to part time, just for a month. Sort of a half of a leave of absence, if that makes sense. I started last Monday on my new part-time schedule, and it is helping immensely, with the depression anyhow. I've been in a much better mood the last few days, and not feeling as overwhelmed. I've started a CBT program through my insurance for the insomnia. 

I am so grateful to my uncle and to my supervisors at work for allowing me the flexibility to take some temporary time off, to have a part-time work schedule temporarily. I know that at any other business this would not be an option, and this way I can take some time off to rest & recuperate without quitting, and without being late or absent anymore.